My DeaRest donT wanT m3 aRound

LOLxx~~

Last night everythg was going fine and the my dear came in msn to chat with me~ all was ok i guess~ i just chatted about my problems because he ask me "what was my msn post was about" so i told him about it~ and bla bla bla....... then suddenly out of no where he suddenly scolded me and said me and everyone around me is childish~ and im stupid~ i wasnt gonna argue with him~ but then he comes and say that his car got broken into and stuff was DAMAGED and RUINED. at that moment, i know he valued his car alot~ i mean seriously alot~

i actually been in an accident before.... seeing the car dented, damaged beyond simple repairs.....
i could drop on my knees and cry.... and i did cry~ i cry alone that time~ who was i to argue with him?? he blames for what happen to his car~ it was because of me he went home early, and stayed home.... FOR ME.... BECAUSE OF ME...... i do sometimes think its my fault i guess....

I understand it.... i did the same thing~ i spend my time thinking "what if" .... "what if i hadn't went out that day" "what if i wasn't so rush to get my assignment in"
Heck..... i even try to put the blame on others.... eventhough inside, i know the truth~~

i guess the bottom line is that~ i dun knw if its really my fault or not~ haizz......
now he hates me so much that his not even calling or messaging me~ worst of all is that his out somewhere with someone else that makes him happy... i guess his happy~~
I should be happy that his happy~ I should be glad he'S finding a way to forget his troubles....
Even if its through someone else~ AND hiding it from me~
I Should also be used to his lying habits~ is this MY PUNISHMENT??

THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO FOR HIM AT ALL~~
I'M NOT WITH HIM~~

THE TRUTH IS~ DO I DESERVE THIS BEHIND MY BACK PUNISHMENT?? DO I???

1st time bloggin~ (so much drama in life)

its kinda weird to be blogging stuff~ my first time~ i guess i just want to vent out some weirdness in my life~ i mean~ there's so many thgs happening in school, or maybe its just me.....
All i know is, i feel kinda scared and upset about it.... i still keep a smile on my face, i still joke around~~ more joke and craziness that i usually do...
But still no one knows this is the sign that i give out when im sad, unhappy, hurt, or even crying~
I miss having the friends that actually cares for one another and supports or try to help each other in need~ bt as i grow up more, i realize, even the best of friends will leave you in you times of need and just dont understand how you feel.

feels more like a tool than a person~ but hey~~ who in this world cares for others~
like jackie said~ "u care too much, people will say ur a busy body. u dont care, ur selfish~"


IM TRYING TO BE AN HONEST PERSON~
but honesty isnt what people want to hear, its not what keeps the people, "friends" around you~ apparently, lying and being who you arent is the way~ i dont know who is being true to me anymore~ i dont know who i can be true to~


I thought we should always accept a person for who they really are, no matter what~
but~ in REALITY~ **NO ONe Shares This View**

**WE LIKE TO HEAR AND SEE WHAT WE WANT, AND THE UGLY TRUTH IS NEVER ACCEPTED**

i really dont want my "friends" to lie to me~ or keep things from me~
im trying to make it last, but not by living in fantasy land whr everythg is a lie or jus an act~

really dont knw what is better~ or what to do~~ they wont understand~
i've tried~~ feels more like hatred after hearing the truth~ i couldnt even finish one sentence to u guys~~


********